A Solid Rock

Tonight the lyrics to that old hymn, "The Solid Rock" come to mind...

On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

A co-worker of mine asked me today if I felt the earthquake we had around two in the morning. I can't even remember if it woke me up or not, but obviously it wasn't enough to be a big deal. Yet the circumstances I find myself in make me feel a little like my spirit is in an earthquake.

I will not discount the incredible two and a half days I had in Indiana this week. It was incredibly sweet to be in the less chaotic airport in Indy, see wide open spaces, visit my alma mater, and chat with a couple of wonderful friends there. Then came my interview with Global Partners, the agency I hope to return to Albania with. I received confirmation after confirmation about beginning this process of returning to that small country I fell in love with a year ago: Prophetic words of affirmation about me working in Albania. Various individuals offering me a place to stay when I return to visit. People already wanting to give financially. Meeting the head of the Wesleyan Church (also the founder of their small development organization, called World Hope) and getting more insight from her about the need in Albania which further clarified my vision. My excitement about actually getting back there grew so much, that I almost cried on the plane ride home, thinking about how great the opportunity for the gospel to take root in Albania at this particular moment in history and how great the need is for workers to work the harvest field... the faces of my host family and various Albanian youth from the community came to my mind. Then I thought about how God has so perfectly orchestrated this entire process and prepared not only me but a great group of supporters and prayer warriors behind me to do this work.

It is incredibly humbling because I see now how this isn't about me, but about a movement of God in a culture so beautiful but in desperate need of Christ, and for some reason I seem to be one of the workers He wants there on the field. But I know that I can't do it alone. I am pretty weak and vulnerable, as evidenced already upon my return to So Cal. In fact, about fifteen minutes after getting off my plane, I felt a weird pain in my stomach for no reason at all that lasted about five minutes. Granted that could easily have been simply biological discomfort. Yet I know the devil was already at work to discourage me because I found myself feeling a little anxious and depressed for no reason at all. I returned home to an apartment pretty much gutted due to the electrical project going on in the building, so my roommates and I get to camp out in our office! This morning my computer kept freezing while I was trying to check student loans and finances, my car insurance went up, and my doctor had to cancel an appointment that I really needed. Ugh. Just lots of little things that add up, and I am very susceptible to discouragement when things quit working right. These are things that I'm sure I will see a lot more of in the mission field...

Just "life stuff" whirling around. I look at the people around me, my co-workers, supervisors, and the residents, and I feel like a wimp for worrying about these small things going wrong for me. I answered a call tonight while on-duty from a woman in tears because she had just been evicted from her house and had no idea what to do with her daughter. At least I don't have anyone depending on me to take care of them, like all of these moms do. And coming home to a gutted apartment? I go back and forth from being terribly annoyed to just wanting to laugh about the great story it makes. It is a very small taste of the instability our clients experienced most of their lives. I should consider it an honor to suffer along with them. I should. But I still complain. I hope that someday I will learn to take it gracefully like Jesus did.