Incredible. Life-changing. Family. Belonging. Beauty. Poverty. Misunderstood God. Hot air, sweat, and dehydration. Laughter. Joy. Love. Names of people dear to me. My pearl of great price. A calling. Purpose. Vision. Prayer. Economic turmoil. Life. Death. The kingdom of heaven emerging. An incredibly ripe harvest where the laborers are few. Home.
To say that my mission trip was life-changing would be cliché but more true than any short-term mission I have yet experienced. On the other side of it, I can see how God has been preparing me my entire life for this trip and what comes next. Most people consider mission trips and missionaries to be all about reaching the lost and serving the less fortunate. But I understand now that's not true. Missions is about Jesus Christ leaving all his glory to come and dwell among humankind. To save me. Missions is all about what God has done for me. At first I wonder if that seems selfish, but then I realize that I wouldn't even consider missions or following God's call on my life to live with the poor and spread the gospel if it weren't for my relationship with Jesus. Why should I give up the comforts of my life in the United States, all my friends and family, my desires for my future? Because Jesus is there in the Kenët, and I won't be satisfied unless I am where He is. I have found something incredibly valuable and fulfilling, and I would be miserable if I were to continue questioning God's call on my life. Chris Tomlin's lyrics come to mind:
"Where You go, I'll go. Where you stay, I'll stay. When You move, I'll move. I will follow You."
Thank you to all who prayed along with me last week for clarity about my call to Albania because as you have probably already guessed, God confirmed it. I am incredibly indecisive and doubt myself which is why I knew that I would need supernatural support. God didn't give me an audible call, but it might as well have been. I heard God calling to me every time someone would greet me with a handshake and a kiss on each cheek in the typical Albanian fashion. As I watched the teens laugh and smile their big, beautiful smiles. As I listened to their language, not understanding but desperately wanting to learn it so I can better communicate with them. When my host family from last year showered me with hospitality and a huge dinner, even though they have to give the grocery store owner an IOU many weeks. When my former landlord told me twice how honored and respected he felt that I had returned to visit them. As our team leader preached on the Good Samaritan and one of the teen boys grabbed a Bible excitedly to show one of the missionaries how he had just read that story a few days ago.
I saw God at work in my dear friend who shared with me how she is close to despair and angry at God, supporting herself and her parents on $70 a month with no support from her siblings and extended family. I was able to share with her how God has provided for the needs of my own family and is in the process of the even bigger work of restoring relationships that have been broken for years. We cried together over the pain. I cried because of how near she is to accepting Christ and placing her trust in Him, and I pray that she comes to know Him because of this difficult time in her life.
I saw God at work in a 15-year-old girl who wrote a letter to God saying, "I don't know you, and I never thought of having a relationship with you. But I want to. Please help me."
God is moving in the Kenët of Albania. He is also moving among communities all over the world, so why is Albania the place for me? Well, I am a very relational person who fits well into this very relational culture. It seems as if God has specifically designed me to serve in this culture and community. My host family is another big reason... they really love me, and I feel now that it would be selfish of me to hold myself from them, mostly since they still don't know God. Last summer I began praying for their salvation and for the Church to grow in their community, and now God tells me, "Okay, Jessica, I am going to use you to answer your own prayer." I'm learning that I really should be careful what I pray for.
Albanians value family and relationships more than anything. In fact, the culture has many similarities to the culture of Israel in Jesus' day, which makes the scriptures come alive. (For example, when Jesus claims to be the "bread of life" in John 6:35, it makes a whole lot more sense when half of your diet is bread!) What will make the biggest difference is people who are willing to move in and become part of their community - their "family." As they do, the people will become open to entering into the family of God. My heart echoes with their orientation to family. They make me feel connected and a part of a healthy, happy, whole family. So I'm not going out of pure others-centeredness. They also fill a need in me to be desired and needed and connected. And that's okay because that's how God made me. He's not done making me, either.
Now that I am back in the States with a clear call, I still have a journey ahead before I actually get on-field again. I will be sharing lots of thoughts about my journey ahead in the coming weeks. Even though I'm very excited to return, I know it won't be easy getting there. The devil wants me discouraged, and prayer is the key to keeping me moving forward in Christ. I definitely have a lot of questions and details that I'm wondering about. I will likely face doubt, discouragement, and situations that require blind faith. I will probably find myself complaining about stupid things that don't really matter, and then God will gently remind me that I just need to trust Him to work it out like He always does. I will hold onto the knowledge that God has called me to these specific people, to this specific place, for this specific time. And as I prepare to get there, I recognize that each stage of preparation will make the destination more worth it.
I will remember how I felt when I was there: that I was made for this.
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