Doubting My Doubts

It is my final week of a three-week-long class on how to share my vision for ministry and tell stories better. Tonight my instructor asked me what I have learned, and I immediately answered, "I didn't know that I can tell stories, and do it well!"

If I don't feel absolutely prepared and confident at something I tend to withdraw. The same happens when I get carried away by the notion that everyone is better than me. Even at the beginning of the class two weeks ago I complained to my mom that taking a class over Skype is awkward and not ideal because of the disconnect I felt from talking to a computer screen. (So what should I do if I am in a situation that isn't ideal? Make the best of it... that just isn't my reaction the majority of the time.) It shows that maybe I need to Skype more.

The Lord's Plan

The LORD frustrates the plans of the nations
     and thwarts all their schemes.
But the LORD'S plans stand firm forever;
     his intentions can never be shaken. (Psalm 33:10-11, NLT)

This scripture came to mind just now after a visit with my former youth pastor. He made a big impact on my spiritual life in high school, particularly when in comes to Jesus's heart for the lost. We had kept in touch throughout my college years, but our visits depleted to about once a year. Today we got to reconnect, and what an encouragement to see that we can do so with more excitement than ever about what God is doing in our lives and in the world. I know very, very few people who live and breath to seek God's heart with all their being. When I do get to meet with them I always leave feeling totally renewed, ready to dig deep into the heart of God again. He is one of those people.

God has blessed me richly with a solid foundation and people of faith all around me. I remember well when the devil tried really hard during college to cut me off from the great cloud of witnesses around me through complacency, inadequacy, and fear, but I am thankful that the LORD WOULDN'T LET ME GO. My mom told me that during my junior year she had the pastor and pastor's wife anoint and pray over her in proxy for me. Boy, am I glad they did, and boy am I glad that people have believed in me enough and cared enough to pray me through those struggles...

Walk on Water

The Delmarva Peninsula is taking every precaution against Hurricane Sandy. But admittedly, when my pastor had the congregation pray against the storm this morning in church, I wasn't exactly agreeing in faith because I want the storm to come! There is something about hearing that rain beat against the roof and watching through the window as leaves and debris swirl around that excites me. It's almost 10 pm, and there's not a bit of wind yet. Grrr. Bring on some action!

I made it home from Indianapolis just in time for the storm. Last week was spent at the Global Partners (GP) headquarters, learning all about being a missionary with GP. My head was crammed full of information and strategies and names and all the stuff I have to do! But what an incredibly encouraging time it was to hang out with some other people who are doing the same thing and learn together. I had to face some fears, and this next year is going to be a mountain of them. It's much like knowing there's a storm brewing, and I have to face it. But will I prepare myself? I wish I could face the metaphorical storm with as much drive and motivation as I face a hurricane headed toward Delaware.

Happy Monday

This afternoon I sit at Davelli's, one of the only cafes in my little hometown. I drove my mom in town today for a medical procedure and decided to find someplace to be other than the nearly-silent waiting area at the medical center. It's a nice atmosphere to chill with my Mac and free Wi-Fi. I feel much more energized here, with the calm buzz of a few voices and Christian music playing in the background. While I generally have no problem soaking in the quieter, slower pace, sometimes I get to the point where I need to be around some activity for motivation.

On Sunday I will fly to Indianapolis for a week-long missionary orientation at Global Partners, something I have been looking forward to for months. The time has brought me through this weird transition phase as I wait for the moment when I can begin my next task of support-raising for the ministry in Albania. I have been telling lots of people about my plans, sort of prepping people for what I will be doing but not being able to actually do it yet. Which is starting to bug me. I am ready to get on with this!

It's Official

It is time for changing leaves, pumpkins, and sweaters. At the Spicer household it's cool enough to turn off the AC and open the windows until we need the heater again. But having the windows open means fruit flies get through the screens, and we have them like the plague! I ate my lunch at work today and my dinner tonight at home swatting them away from my food. I am sure I've eaten several without knowing it, but as Mom would say, "They are extra protein!" Eating bugs it fairly normal in many other cultures, right? Pretty soon the cooler weather will chase them into hibernation or wherever they go during the winter.

Here is a bit of news: on Friday the Global Partners leadership board discussed the new missionary candidates, and the director signed me in on Monday morning.

I am now officially a missionary to Albania!