Slowing Down and Being Quiet

I’ve been at a loss for inspiration lately. I started a post almost two weeks ago but couldn’t quite finish it. Those of you who know me well will agree that I am a perfectionist, so it usually takes me awhile to produce something my pride will let me share. The fact that I’m making excuses for why I haven’t blogged gives evidence that I’m a perfectionist because I have this idea that if I were good at keeping up with people I would blog more often, as if there’s some rule that says how often I must send out updates! I think I’ve made comments about it in other posts, too. Okay, no more apologizing. I’m just gonna do what I can do.

My mental capacity hasn’t been at such a level where I could conjure up anything very coherent, either. In other words, I’ve been exhausted and in need of space to simply rest during those times when I might otherwise be able to blog. Blogging can be, however, sort of a spiritual exercise for me. I like to get my thoughts and even my struggles “out there,” and since I’m an internal processor I suppose blogging allows me to solidify my thoughts and organize them. I always feel good after writing a good post. My problem is that lately I haven’t had the mental or emotional space to do so, because writing or blogging requires something that I have a really difficult time doing…

Slowing down and being quiet.

If you could draw a picture of my brain activity it would probably look a lot like the ridiculously complex and extensive L.A. freeway system, with traffic moving quickly all day only to diminish during sleeping hours. Sometimes not even then.

I’m slowing down now and just shut off Spotify. It’s rather nice for me to read back over my thoughts and be able to interpret them.

Our society places high value on productivity and efficiency, but it has caused us to cram as many activities as possible into one day. I’m all about taking a break when my brain’s on overload because I know that I won’t be able to accomplish anything else until it gets a rest. But a problem I’m facing is that there are so few places to go here that are quiet! I try to have my quiet time in the morning, but I can still hear traffic through the walls or the front door of the apartment building slamming shut or a helicopter above. It’s a downside to living in the city. I’ve asked myself recently, Can I really handle this?

I’m finding that working with emotionally distraught moms and children all day is very draining. It’s no wonder we’re told in the field of social work to make sure we take time for ourselves and guard against becoming emotionally involved in clients’ problems. We can’t handle it.

To top it off, there is a spiritual element in all those problems. I believe there is a spiritual realm that interacts with the physical realm which, while unseen, affects the situations we encounter and experience perhaps even more than the stuff we can see. Paul wrote,

“For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” (Ephesians 6:12, NLT)

Have you ever been in a place where the air felt oppressive? I am living in a building with women and children who have been abused, thus they carry with a great deal of baggage and oppressive spirits. You can feel it in the atmosphere when you enter the building. So of course it’s hard for me to find rest here, even though we have an all-Christian staff, pray together every week, post scripture in our office, and regularly pray over the residents. It’s rough. I have asked myself more times than usual this week whether I’m really cut out for this type of work. But then a friend of mine reminded me that God never promised not to give us more than we can handle.

Please read the previous sentence again because it’s a common misconception among believers in Christ. It comes from I Corinthians 10:13 reads that God won’t let us be tempted beyond what we can handle. It concerns temptation, not difficulties in life. I think that Job’s story affirms that unexplainable suffering will happen in life. If you are genuinely seeking Christ, it follows that the devil will sabotage you and try to prevent God’s perfect purposes from happening because he hates God, he hates you for being loved by God, and he will do everything possible to keep you as far from God as possible. We’re in the middle of a cosmic battle between good and evil, God’s army and Satan’s army.

God does promise to be with us in trouble and intercedes on our behalf. Experiencing God’s presence can be more difficult during times of testing, as I’ve observed in my own life lately, but when He does speak, oh how sweet it is! Last week, I asked a friend via text messaging to pray for me during a prayer meeting with another friend because both of us were feeling unusual spiritual heaviness. When we came together and prayed, those heavy spirits lifted away from both of us, and I gained a renewed sense of peace and joy immediately. Another morning I happened to get the apartment to myself and was able to do some worship and Bible study in the quiet of being alone, and the Holy Spirit whispered some incredibly special and encouraging things to my spirit.

So I am finding that even though it seems like I often can’t handle this thing on my own, God makes up the difference. I’ve only got a couple loaves and fishes with way too many people to feed. I point out the obvious… that I don’t have enough. Yet somehow I get enough emotional energy, and at the end of the day I realize that I gave out even more than I thought I had. When Jesus fed the five thousand (Mark 6), He gave thanks for the meager meal He did have and ended up feeding the entire crowd with tons left over. I don’t have nearly that much pressure to care for so many people, so I should certainly have a lot more praise and thanks to offer God.

He sure is patient because it takes forever to learn these lessons. I’ll forever be a work in progress.