A New Chapter

It is an absolutely gorgeous day here at home in Seaford, Delaware. It's about 60 degrees with a bright blue sky spotted here and there by snow-white fluffy clouds. When I walked outside this morning to feel the temperature, I could hear seagulls. I live about 30 minutes away from the ocean. As the farmers till their fields, worms and other yummy delicacies enjoyed by the seagulls get scooped onto the top of the soil, and the seagulls like to eat them up. (I just learned this yesterday from my mom.) That's why they come this far inland. Yesterday I woke up to thunder and heavy rain that lasted until noon, but all that rain seems to have brought the land to life. And when the land comes to life, it somehow brings me an extra dose of energy, as well. Sometimes I tell people that I'm like a flower... when the sun shines, my colors get brighter and I bloom! Having gone to school for four years in the midwest where the winters are long, cold, grey, and windy, I come to realize that I'm meant for sun and warmer weather.

I arrived home about 3 a.m. Sunday morning. We had a beautiful graduation ceremony at Indiana Wesleyan University. I was one of the last 15 students out of 510 to walk across the stage and receive my diploma, so by my turn I was half asleep and hardly remember walking. But I have my diploma folder to prove it, and my family assures me that I did indeed walk :)

So now begins a new chapter of life for me, perhaps the biggest change I've yet experienced. I have been a student for 17 years. It's too bad you can't become a professional student, because I think I'd be able to get that job with no problem. I'm ready for a change, though.

The thing is, I have absolutely no idea what that change is going to be. I thought college was supposed to help you figure out what you want to do with your life. In high school, I had determined exactly what I wanted to become and felt completely in control of my life. But after some time in college, my plans didn't feel right at all. They came crashing down around me as I lost control and lost sight of who I was. It was the best thing that ever happened to me, because it forced me to see my own insignificance and helplessness.

I've had a quote taped to my desk for a while, and I wish I knew where it came from, probably a pastor's sermon or something like that: "When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you but simply opening your hands to receive something better." All those times over the last four years when what I wanted was ripped out of my hands were defining moments because the only thing I could do was come to God. It wasn't pretty, either. I was lost, insecure, anxious, didn't know what to say. Somewhere in my childhood I picked up the impression that I'm always supposed to have it all together, to be in control, to know the right answers, but I soon realized that I don't have it all together. I'm not in control. I don't have all the answers. But if I did, why would I need God? Faith is being certain of what I hope for and sure of what I can't see. When I feel all messed up inside, I can be sure that He is working in me.

This has been fun, writing out some of my thoughts on life, but I never intended it to go this long and my stomach is telling me that it's time for lunch. I tend to get long-winded, so I apologize. The purpose of this blog is to keep friends and family updated on my life adventures now that I'm done with school, particularly beginning with my five-week trip to Albania next month. That way, those of you who are praying for me can know how to pray more specifically, and I need your prayers! I believe prayer can move mountains (spiritually and literally!), so PLEASE keep praying! Thanks for reading my ramblings. Go ahead and comment, ask questions, whatever strikes your fancy.... and I hope you keep on following!

"The LORD foils the plans of the nations; he thwarts the purposes of the peoples. But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations." (Psalm 33:10-11, NIV)