Barbara Slabaugh

It goes without question that I must write some thoughts and memories about my Mom-mom as she waits for Jesus to call her through the “pearly gates” she’s been yearning for the last couple weeks. I still feel kind of weird calling her “Mom-mom,” when everyone else refers to her as “Grandma.” I don’t think it really hit me that the name I use for her is all that unique until I left Delmarva and discovered that “mom-mom” is lingo largely native of Sussex County. I was taught to call her “Mom-mom,” and since I’ve only ever called her by that name I won’t stop now.

Wedding Weekend

One of my Albanian "sisters" - Blerta - just got married. The experience proved particularly unique since I had lived in this family's home and am considered one of the sisters. Once you have been taken into a home and cared for by a family, you hold a special place of honor and respect in their circle. That honor is extended over and over… it cannot be earned, is not easily removed, and it must simply be accepted.

A wedding in Albanian culture is far more extravagant than a wedding in my home culture. For starters, it is more like two weddings… one for the bride and one for the groom. The bride's family hosts their extended family, friends, and neighbors to a wedding feast and celebration on Saturday, and the groom's family holds a separate celebration for their invitees on Sunday.

Musings on a Sunday

In a dresser drawer in my bedroom back home in Delaware sits a set a quilt blocks, about half of them finished. I think I started them when I was in my early teens. I took them to college with me, appliqued a couple more. I’ve thought about them many times, so desperately wanting to finally finish them. My mom offered to finish them once, but I said no because I wanted the whole thing to be MY work. I still intend to finish it someday. If thinking about things got stuff done, I’d have the world changed by now.

I’m a product of a generation that desperately wants to make a mark in this world, tending to think we’re more significant than we are. Our baby-boomer parents raised us asking us, “What do you want to be when you grow up? Whatever you want to do, you can do it if you put your mind to it.” We are given inflated faith in our personal abilities. (The Huffington Post had an article I found really interesting that characterized my generation. If you're interested, you can read it…. here.) 

No Such Thing as Helpless

My walk to work takes me past a couple of dumpsters for neighborhood use. One morning as I passed, I noticed the sound of a puppy's cries. When I looked over the side of the dumpster I saw a tiny tan puppy, hardly a week old and the size of my hand, straining against the weight of garbage in which it was stuck, yelping for someone to take notice. It was just a puppy, but my emotions tore at me as I stood there listening to its little yelps.

I wanted desperately to reach in and rescue it, but the problem is that the attitude toward dogs is much different than I'm used to seeing in America. They live on the streets, find food in the garbage heaps, run away from boys who throw rocks at them. A few people keep them as pets, but in general they aren't valued at all. So when unwanted puppies turn up, they are simply thrown onto the garbage heap with the rest of the trash. A woman walked by me with her child, saw my distress and stopped to sympathize with me and the cries of the little dog. "Terrible, terrible," she said, lending support to my perspective that life, even an animal, shouldn't have to suffer. But there was nothing we could do. Even if I had saved it, I don't have the resources or time to take care of it. Picking up that one helpless little puppy wasn't going to save puppies from being thrown into dumpsters because the problem is rooted in people's attitude toward dogs.

I Will Not Keep Silent

For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
    for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet, 
till her righteousness shines out like the dawn, 
   her salvation like a blazing torch. (Isaiah 62:1)

Something rose up from deep within me. It was almost as if I felt my insides burning, indignation wracking my spirit with a gigantic, Stop! This is not right!

Accepting the Gift

"It is more blessed to give than to receive."

For this fiercely independent American girl living in Albanian culture, to give means to receive graciously. To accept the lavish gift of relationship poured out upon me. To share a whole lot more of myself than what's comfortable and give up my privacy and independence.

New Years Eve Reflections

Several someones have suggested that one of the devil's tricks is to keep Christ-followers so busy that Christ is crowded out - out of their thoughts, out of their time, out of their relationships, out of life. I struggle with this sin, this thinking that by somehow accomplishing more tasks, ministering to more people, doing more for Jesus will make Him happy with me. On the mission field this problem is magnified ten-fold, as I rush from task to task, person to person, as if I were their savior, as if I were on a race against time, trying to save as many people as possible before… before… before what?

If you don't go see that person now, they're going to think you don't care.

They won't like you unless you make a good impression.

If you don't get that done, you're on a slippery slope to failure. 

If you make a mistake, you will ruin your chance at this ministry.

Lies. Guilt.

The Cost of Christmas

Christmas in a formerly atheistic, now predominantly Muslim nation is a very different experience than in historically-Christian America. Instead, New Years is the major holiday. In my Muslim neighborhood, people are decorating New Years trees and putting up New Years lights. December 25th will be a day just like any other for most people in Albania.

Christmas has always been my favorite time of year in the States with everybody getting into the decorations, festive music, TV specials, concerts and Christmas baking, but in my neighborhood it takes some effort to "get in the spirit of Christmas." I re-watched the movie, The Nativity Story, to help get myself "in the spirit." It focuses on the lives of Mary and Joseph when they suddenly found themselves called by God to an incredibly difficult task.

A Traditional Food Experience

This Thanksgiving week is also a week of Albanian holidays! (None of which are Thanksgiving, by the way. I'm definitely gonna miss waking up to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade this year!) November 28th is Albania's Independence Day with schools and the government closed, so at least it will feel normal for Americans to celebrate a holiday, too.

Various parts of Albania were ruled by different nations at different points in history, from the French, to the Germans, to the Turks. A great deal of variety exists between cities and villages, which means that each city represented in our squatter community celebrates different religious and cultural traditions. Last weekend the Albanian family with whom I used to live invited me to celebrate a holiday of theirs celebrated in their northern village.

I Am Not a Pumpkin!

Being immersed in a new language means that I misunderstand people every single day. It means I need to be very flexible, laugh at myself, and take no offense at what people might say to me. Cultures differ in what is appropriate in conversation. While telling an American that they are "fat" is offensive, in Albania there is no shame in talking directly to a person about their weight. I have noticed that a great percentage of females my age and younger are extremely thin. In comparison, I have been called "fat," but I brush it off and take no offense, recognizing that it's a different standard than what I am accustomed to.

The Rub

Thank you to the woman who stopped me today and reminded me what is important here.

“You Americans are so different from us. You walk right past us so quickly on your way to work, always off to work, and don’t stop to talk,” she told me. I responded, “You are totally right. We always think about work, but you take time for people. We need to learn from you.”

I Can Do It!

I needed to get a key copied, and I remembered seeing a place to do them in the city not too far away from the mission center. The "HAPUR" (open) sign showed through the window, but alas, the door was locked with no one inside. I checked the hours which indicated that the shop should have been open 15 minutes before. Oh, how typically Albanian! I thought. It seemed like a waste to go back home without my key copied, since it's a bit of a walk to get to the city.

Language Learning

Learning language by immersion is proving to be one of the most valuable experiences I could have chosen. I make tons of mistakes, but the more I talk with people the more I see how much they appreciate the fact that I try. My mess-ups bring lots of laughter, and it's a good thing I have learned to laugh at myself so I can join in when people crack up at my bad Albanian!

Every language has lots of words that are easy to mix up. In Albanian, the words for "boy" (pronounced "choon") and "dog" (pronounced "chun") sound very similar. So of course it was quite humorous when I mistakenly referred to some boys as "dogs" instead.

What is "Clean"?

I used to think I was a very clean person. I had some obsessive-compulsive behavior concerning cleanliness as a kid. Like refusing to walk on my bedroom carpet with shoes on. Even now, I am generally pretty good about keeping things uncluttered and neat. If I can see dirt on the floor I clean it up.

Sometimes cleaning can be therapeutic for me. Doesn't it feel better to live in a clean space? I considered myself to be above average when it came to cleaning. That was before I moved to Albania. 

Food Mishaps

One of the two questions I am asked most often about Albania is, What is the food like? (And just in case you're wondering, the question I am asked most often is, What language do they speak in Albania? The answer: Albanian, which is unrelated to any other language. It's in a class of its own!)

Back to the first question.

Familiar to Foreign

I have been in Albania for a week now, and I have not begun to scratch the surface of new things to learn and experience. Simple things that I took for granted every day in the States involve a great amount of thought and room for mistakes. The mistakes started before I even arrived in Albania!

For starters, the language difference posed problems on my layovers. I was terribly thirsty by the time I reached the Vienna airport, but someone left their bag unsupervised causing half the airport to close down until they made sure the bag had no explosives or whatever else they checked for. I sat on the outside of the crowd of people for about 45 minutes, hoping I understood the situation correctly despite understanding few of the people around me, and super paranoid that I would miss my next flight. Finally, the crowd began moving through the entrance, and I went on my way to find my gate.

At the Bank

The other day I went to my bank to open up my debit card for use in Europe. I sat down in the cozy little waiting area with couches and chairs of various shades of green. Then a teller stepped out of her cubicle and asked if she could help me. I followed her and sat down in front of her desk, where I explained that I was about to move out of the country and would need to open up my card for use in Europe. She affirmed that of course I could and then began typing on her computer. I noticed she had a very slight European accent.

Confessions from Fourth Grade

A couple weeks ago I watched a story on the news featuring the new One World Trade Center building in New York City. Workers had just erected a spire of several hundred feet in height, which made the building the tallest in the Western hemisphere. The new building is built to withstand car bombings and jetliner impact - arguably one of the most impressive and "safe" buildings you could be in. The top building executive addressed one of the biggest questions asked concerning the reasoning of this project.... Why rebuild the World Trade Center, and why would people want to live and work in it after what happened in 2001?

I can't recall his exact answer, but one word he used stood out to me: pride. People want the attackers to know that they refuse to cower or live in defeat. The World Trade Center is a U.S. symbol of its world power, that American ideals are above all other ideals. Re-erecting the demolished World Trade Center and investing so much money and effort into making the building better than before makes a deliberate statement to the world. Maybe it gives Americans, especially those who suffered personal loss of loved ones, a sense of retribution. I don't personally know anyone who lost someone on 9/11, but surely there would be lots of very different opinions and feelings about the new building. I am far from qualified to say what this project means.

Joyful Man

During my Sunday morning missions presentations, I share how God led me to change my major from music education to international & community development studies... after having planned on being a music teacher since age ten. It was a two-year-long process of inner struggle, coming to terms with the fact that I couldn't see myself at all teaching music in American schools, while fearing what it would mean to give up the picture of my future which I'd held onto for so long.

I just got off the phone with the pastor of a church I spoke at two days ago. She spoke with a man after the service who told her, "I just found out that I'm getting ready to lose my job. I couldn't believe it. I have no idea what I'm gonna do. But you know what? I'm excited because even though it's the only thing I know how to do, I know He has something else for me to do."

The pastor said, "Wow, you must have really echoed with Jessica's testimony this morning."

"Yes! Now I see that just because I have to let go of what I know, I can have joy! God will guide my next steps."

After the pastor shared this story with me, she told me, "Jessica, this man only comes to the church every few weeks, but he happened to be here this Sunday. You haven't even gotten to Albania yet, and God is using you to touch lives where you are."

How amazing it is that the Holy Spirit specifically ministers to individual hearts! His is the glory. I couldn't possibly have known that someone in the congregation just lost his job, but God did. He knew that man needed to be there on this particular Sunday to hear a word of encouragement. God has so many rich blessings to pour out upon us when we trust in Him, even when things feel dark, confusing, and don't make sense. The kingdom of God is ... a matter of righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. (Romans 14:17) Jesus left us with a gift - peace of mind and heart, a gift the world can't offer.

HIS Story

Expect great things from God; attempt great things for God.

Those are words made by William Carey, a common pastor/teacher/shoemaker from England who is credited with spearheading the modern missions movement, through a simple book and a heart willing to follow where God led him. When I read his statement, it was like God summed up the tension I've felt over the last week or so and what He was trying to teach me.

I have been taking this missions class called Perspectives since the beginning of January, and it is transforming the way I see missions. It's transformed the way I see the Bible... history... HIS story. The Bible is God's story, how His name and renown have spread over the whole earth.